Ranking | Jake's Takes

I was able to get boots on the ground this weekend and see first hand what is going on in Buffalo. We’re going to break down position by position.

Wings

Obviously this is where Buffalo has the most depth.

1. Elmos- This is the elite tier wing. Everything works together. The sauce is perfect, wings are properly sized and crispy. The bar is incredible, similar to the GAP.

2. Prohibition Pub- Fantastic wing with a very subtle sweetness in the buffalo, unexpected flavor but superb quality as well. We went here before the game and it was a wild scene.

3. Wingnutz- Recommended by Jake, Wingnutz was excellent, just a small step behind the top two. Definitely unique in the sauce department and lightly breaded which gives a nice crunch.

4. Gabriels Gate- Very hipster place, I felt like I was in Portland. Wings were good, especially if you like extra crispy. Average sauce. This is where I drew the line for above average.

5. The Pub- Awesome dive bar but I’d have to give the wings another chance, they came out plain but at least were good quality. They were very busy with Christmas Karaoke which are the two worst things that can happen to a bar. Definitely would go back another time though.

6. Anchor bar- The alleged original buffalo wing spot. Disappointing wings, floppy lower quality chicken, really underwhelming sauce flavor. Cool place to see but not worth getting the wings.

Sandwiches

This is the side of the menu that Buffalo has a lot of holes. The first thing I had was a decent reuben until I tasted the cinnamon they inexplicably put on it, there is no place for that in society. Buffalo’s claim to fame is their “Beef on Weck”. This sandwich is an abomination. The beef is fine but the roll is covered in terrible seeds like something you’d find in the back of the spice drawer that no one has ever used. Then they add so much friggin sea salt your kidneys will wonder why you’re drinking ocean water. The lone bright spot was the philly cheesesteak from Wingnutz; very cheesy, good cut of steak, nice onions and peppers.

Beverages

1. Molson Canadian- Pretty decent beer, light enough to slug a bunch down in a shed or anywhere really.

2. Genessee- I can’t give this one a fair rating as I only had the cream ale which was like a creamsicle, surprisingly smooth though.

3. Labatts Blue- No one enjoys shitty beers like I do but this was a tough one. I drank them to fit in but will not seek out Labatts again.

In the non-alcoholic spotlight is Tim Hortons. This is a must visit establishment. The donuts are fantastic and I had a great experience here with the hockey rink table. As for the quality of the coffee, I won’t besmirch the pride of Canada, but I am looking forward to my Dunkies this morning.

Final Thoughts

Overall Buffalo is a decent city with incredible fans. These people truly are different. Everyone has full Bills gear on all the time. They don’t say goodbye when they leave, they say Go Bills. Even though we are Pats fans they offered us the finest gifts of booze and drugs. If any fan base deserves a ring this year it is Bills Mafia.

Since it’s Christmas I’ll throw out a couple of bets to fade while we’re here.

Chiefs -2.5 @ Steelers (43.5)

The Chief’s are getting Worthy involved and Patty has plenty of weapons, they should be able to put up decent points again. It looks like Pickens could be back so I’m hoping the Steelers can keep up and make it an interesting game at least. I’ll lean over.

Chiefs 27, Steelers 23

Ravens -5.5 @ Texans (46.5)

I had high hopes for the Texans but they just haven’t been right and now with Dell out I dont have much faith. The Ravens are rolling and getting into late season form where they kick the shit out of teams right up until it matters in the playoffs. Josh Allen left the MVP door open after the Pats game so maybe this is where Lamar locks it down.

Ravens 42, Texans 20

Time to do something a little different here. Anyone who knows me knows my favorite movie of all time is Goodfellas. Anyone who knows me knows I’m also addicted to making lists and ranking things. So without further ado I present the official Jake’s Takes Top 10 Goodfellas Quotes.

10. “Now the guy’s got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with a bill, he can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy’s gotta come up with Paulie’s money every week, no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, pay me.” -Henry Hill

Pretty simple explanation from Henry about what doing business with the mob is like. I just love the repeated “Fuck you, Pay me” it really drives the point home.

9. “Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Tommy?” -Spider

Some powerful last words here from Spider. He definitely picked the wrong guy to provoke. An underrated part of this scene is Jimmy telling Tommy he has to dig the hole, and Tommy tells him he doesn’t give a fuck.

8. “Come on, fuckos. Let’s go for a ride.” -Jimmy Conway

One of my personal favorites right here. Jimmy and Henry are leaving the diner and Jimmy knocks on the window of the cops who are tailing them to wake them up. Also what a great line to say to your friends when you’re about to go somewhere.

7. “That’s the hardest part. Today everything is different. There’s no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food. After I got here I ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce…and I got egg noodles with ketchup. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.” -Henry Hill

The final line of the movie is also one of it’s most iconic. Henry talking about what it’s like to be a regular person, or as he calls it a schnook. The quote is also paired with a great visual of Henry getting the paper in his robe outside the witness protection house.

6. “Medium rare… An aristocrat.” -Johnny Dio

Another personal favorite of mine. I love the prison cooking scene. Paulie cutting the garlic and telling them not put too many onions in the sauce probably would’ve made the cut, but I didn’t want to use two quotes from this scene. When it came down to it I like this one better. Johnny cooking the steak in a pan, smoking a cigar, and the way he delivers the line is top notch.

5. “You mean-let me understand this, ‘cause, you know, maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean, funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?” –Tommy DeVito

One of the most quoted and memeable lines from the movie. This one never fails to make me laugh. That along with Henry’s reaction when Tommy tells him he’s fucking with him is all-time, and it starts off the top 5.

4. “I’m gonna go get the papers, get the papers.” -Jimmy Two-Times

I mean what do I have to say about this one? The only line we get from Jimmy is also one of the movies best. This comes right before our number 5 entry and I personally find it funnier because it’s such a preposterous one-off line seemingly out of nowhere.

3. “Now go home and get your fuckin’ shine box” -Billy Batts

Frank Vincent does such a good job at playing a dickhead. If you’ve seen The Sopranos I’m sure you hated Phil Leotardo just as much as I did. Billy just needling Tommy this whole scene is very funny, but as we learned earlier with Spider don’t piss off Tommy cuz he’ll probably kill you.

2. “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.” -Henry Hill

I’m guessing this would be number 1 on a lot of lists, but I’ll get to that later. After the flash forward scene to start the movie this is the unofficial opening line of the movie, and man does it set the tone for the film. A perfect start to the opening scene.

1. “I like this one. One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way… and this guys sayin’ whaddya want from me?” -Tommy DeVito

This is probably my favorite line from any movie ever. I’m not sure what it is about it, but when she pulls that picture up and Tommy gives it his half assed critique it gets me every time. Just all around funny the way the line is delivered, and then the realization of who the painting looks like is fantastic.

So there you have it, the official Jake’s Takes Top 10 Goodfellas Quotes. I’m sure plenty will disagree, but I don’t see you coming up with your own list. So until then this is the undisputed top 10.

Jake's Takes