I was struggling trying to figure out what I was going to write about these next couple weeks now that football is over. Well BetOnline has given me plenty to write about now. To give a little backstory, I deposited a total of $400 into my account over the course of the football season. We don’t unit shame here by the way. I’m fucking poor so I don’t bet a ton of money because I’m only a semi-moron. Going into the Super Bowl I had $200 left in my account. Now that online sportsbooks were set to go live in Massachusetts on March 10th I decided I was going to bet my whole account on the game. So I put half on the Chiefs +1.5 and bet the rest on props. Thanks to the Chiefs and Harrison Butker hitting an upright I walked away from the game with $344 in my account. My plan was to pull out whatever I won and hold onto it and put it in my new book in March. Here’s where the story gets fun.
I got a text from my good friend Jeff on Monday morning saying he can’t get his money out of BetOnline because of bonus money rollover rules. So I immediately checked my account. Turns out every time you accept a deposit bonus you need to use what you deposit plus the bonus money 10x over in order to pull any money out of your account. At this point I was only 48% of the way to my rollover number which was $4,200. I had used $2,041.33 as of Monday morning.
So I had a genius idea. In order to bet this final $2,100 I was going to put large wagers on heavy favorites in order to unlock the money. My first venture was the College of Charleston money line against Northeastern. They went off at -1600 and I put $200.66 on them to win $12.54. They won easily and I thought I had a foolproof system to get the money out. 10 or 11 more wagers like that and the money would be mine, but as Lee Corso would say “Not so fast, my friend!”

When I went to check my rollover number I noticed it was at 2,053.99/4,200. Still 48%. Turns out BetOnline takes the lower number between the wager and the payout and applies it to your total. So if you bet $200 to win $12 like I did it takes the $12 and applies it to rollover total. If you bet $5 to win $100 it would take the $5 and apply it to the total. It’s basically to stop people from doing what I did which I guess is smart. The problem I have with it is how shady it is. I get it’s a sketchy overseas online gambling company, but come on. I used Bovada in the past and to unlock their bonus money you just had to win bets and it would unlock. None of this ridiculous 10x bullshit. I probably could’ve read the fine print, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to take responsibility for my own actions.
I know we’re not talking about a ton of money here either, but for a poor fuck like me it would be nice to take out the $350 I have and use it, rather then have to deposit even more money while I have some just sitting there. The whole situation is very frustrating, but it begs the question. What do I do now? There’s really only one thing to do. I have to exact revenge on BetOnline. I’ll get the money out of that account if it fucking kills me. I’ll drag them down to the depths of Hell. More realistically though, I’ll probably lose it in a week or two and be even more pissed off, but I’m going to try like a motherfucker.
Let’s get into it then. The first bet on my way to unlocking my money. I’ll be honest with you too, I’m going to be taking expert advice here. I need to win at a very high clip and my 55% winning percentage, while good, probably won’t cut it. Plus there’s going to be a lot of College Basketball wagers in here which for sure isn’t my specialty.
Tonight’s play is George Washington (PK) (-117) $200.20 to win $171.11 vs. George Mason. I got this pick courtesy of Action Network so, hopefully they don’t steer me wrong. Stay tuned for more updates on my revenge tour against BetOnline.