Week 5 is here people and okay, look. I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about Bick’s Picks this year. How there is no money, and how they’re never on time, and how the jokes are really bad, but WHAT THE HELL EVERYBODY!? I mean, God. Bick’s Picks are about the best, in every, one of us. Can’t you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better and today we plan to but before we do that we gotta own our losses from last week. First off Washington didn’t come through for the Dawg as the defense allowed a career day to that noodle arm Penix. Then the Bills played with their food and failed to cover the team total for our first loss for the Lock. However not all was lost as the Chiefs took the Ravens to the woodshed on their way to covering the Over for us. As for Brady’s Parlay of the Day it was unfortunately a leg short as it died when the Cheese tied. In the end it was largely a September to forget but that’s okay it’s a long season and there’s plenty of football left so let’s get into it.

Life’s Too Short to Bet the Under

Texans @ Ravens (40.5)

I’m not sure there’s a total today that better embodies the spirit of Life’s Too Short to Bet the Under than this game. A matchup of 1-3 disappointments with their season’s on the brink and one team is even rolling out enough backups it’ll feel like a preseason game. Does that deter us? Never. All I see is a low total ripe for the taking. Add that with the fun that so far this season the Texans are the only team who’s Under has hit in every game vs the Ravens who are the only team to have every Over hit. What’s the opposite of an immovable object and an unstoppable force? Cliches and digs at these teams aside, something has to give and I’m willing to bet on the side of points and touchdowns because life’s too short to do otherwise.

Over 40.5 (-110)

Fade Dawgs

Broncos (+4.5) @ Eagles

It quite literally took every fiber of my being to not bet Washington as the Dawg especially with Jayden back but I’ve heard your little comments. This isn’t a blog about my team after all it’s a blog about winning bets. So now that I’ve done my obligatory burgundy and gold mention let’s get onto the actual pick and oops my bias is still showing. But if that surprises you then you must be new here. As you should know by now arbitrary biases are a foundational pillar of Bick’s Picks so of course we’re gonna pick against Philly. Not to mention Brady’s Parlay has been using that Eagles ML more than I’d like to see so I gotta balance it out with good old-fashioned hate. My hatred of all things Birds aside this is also a spot I really like for the Broncos. That defense is one of the best in the league and should make things frustrating for a Jalen Hurts offense that hasn’t really clicked yet. Meanwhile, although the Bo Nix experience is a little bit of a roller coaster he’s proven he can lead an offense as long as he can limit the turnovers. So far both of these teams have been playing close games, many of which coming down to the wire so why not another finish decided by a field goal?

Broncos +4.5 (-118)

Brady’s Parlay of the Day

The Parlay: Texans -1.5, Lions -10.5, Patriots +8.5

Two struggling teams meet in Baltimore today. Houston got their first win last week against the worst team in the NFL so it’s hard to know if they have actually turned a corner or not. The Ravens come into this game after a bad loss to a not so great Chiefs team and find themselves at 1-3 now without their franchise QB Lamar Jackson in this one. Both teams need this game to try and save their season. I like the Texans with the spread in this one. Lions and Tigers oh my! This is going to be a bloodbath. I think it’s a steal that we only have to give 10.5 points in this game. The Lions offense is firing on all cylinders and the Bengals have looked really bad last week with Browning. Detroit should blow this Burrowless Bengals team out by a lot. Take the Lions with the spread. The final leg of the parlay will wrap up with Sunday night football. No one is giving the Pats a puncher’s chance in this game but I feel like they will be more competitive in this game than you think. I’m not saying they will knock off the undefeated Bills but I do think they will hang around enough to be in the game until the end. Take the Patriots +8.5.

Brady’s Parlay of the Day: Texans -1.5, Lions -10.5, Patriots +8.5 (+557)

Bick’s Stone Cold Lock of the Century of the Week

Buccaneers @ Seahawks (-3.5)

Alright maybe I got a bit too cute with Team Total bet last week but sometimes you gotta take risks and I still maintain that it should’ve hit. I mean how do you not score in the 2nd Quarter against the Saints Josh??? But I digress because we’re not here to sweat losses, we’re here to pick a Lock. That said, the Lock is supposed to be the pick I feel most confident about and I’ll admit this small 1st bye week slate put me to the test. Honestly the slate is full of stinkers which led me here. This sneaky might be the matchup of the day between two 3-1 NFC contenders and hopefully a good game. However in the end I gotta give the edge to the healthier home team. Seattle does have some injuries but I’ll be honest is a small miracle Tampa has been able to get out to the start they’ve had with all the injuries they’ve sustained. So far Baker has been able to put the team on his back but even he’s dealing some bumps and bruises. So I hope Mayfeild doesn’t take it personally but I think the 12th Man leaves Lumen Field happy today.

Seahawks (-3.5)