That’s right, I’m semi-unretiring here for Week 2 of the 2024-25 season. I can’t promise I’ll be back every week, but I’ll try to get some takes off when I can. I’ve heard the critics too, some of whom have been louder than others. They’re saying I’m washed up, that I don’t have a real job, that I “don’t have the balls to put my picks up every week.” It’s all disappointing to hear because it comes from someone who I have a lot of respect for in the take game, and that’s my protégé over at Bick’s Picks. Now we invite competition and shit-talking over here at Jake’s Takes so I’m all for it, but my man needs to remember who paved the way for Bick’s Picks, who pays Word Press every year so he can slander my Patriots, who edits the grammatical errors out of all his blogs. That’s right I’m still the King over here whether I’m blogging or not. It’s about time I once again neglect my duties as an Athletic Trainer and use my work computer for some good old fashioned blogging. So without further ado, Let’s get into some picks.

The “Suck My Bick” Hater Bet of the Week

Giants (+1.5) vs. Commanders

That’s right we’re fighting fire with fire in my return. I have absolutely no basis for this because the Giants STINK, but if you’re going to disrespectfully alt line the Bengals against the my Fighting Jerod Mayo’s up to -13.5, and then lose outright, I’m sure as hell betting against your team the next week no matter who they’re playing. The only difference is that I have the decency to not disparage Vegas and move lines around like a heathen, so we’re sticking with the spread here. I believe The Antithesis’ Jeff Young put it best when he called last weeks pick “an incredible piece of fiction,” and he was correct. Now after raining on their parade last week it’s time to add salt to the wound with a sad performance against Danny Dimes. Let’s hear it for the GGGGGG-MENNNNNN.

Charlie Murphy’s Habitual Line Stepper of the Week

Seahawks vs. Patriots (+3.5)

You know we had to bring back the Line Stepper in 2024 and what better team to do it with than the biggest outright underdog winner from last week. I actually like the Pats to keep this one close and maybe even pull out their second win in as many games. While the Seahawks have a scary looking receiving corps, the New England secondary is one of the best in the league led by and emergent Christian Gonzalez. I think the Pats can frustrate Geno Smith enough to keep this one within reach for the offense and they’re going to have to because Mike MacDonald’s defense is bound to give the Patriots offense fits at times in this one. If New England can control the clock offensively and turn this into a “rock fight” (that was for you Andrew) they’ll have a chance to win this game. I like this to be a low scoring affair, likely decided by a field goal, and I love seeing that .5 at the end of the 3 for the underdog in this one. Give me the Pats at home and just maybe let’s get to 2-0.

“They’re Eating Dogs” Favorite of the Week

Chargers (-4.5) vs. Panthers

Just like in Springfield Ohio, they’re eating dogs (underdogs in this case) in LA. I know taking a mid team to cover over a field goal on the road maybe isn’t the smartest thing to do, but man do the Panthers look awful so it’s hard not to. The Chargers will probably be my survivor pick this week as well so I’m looking for a blowout here. I think following the trend of “bet against the Panthers until Bryce Young looks like he knows how to play football” is probably the safe thing to do, and I could eat my words if he shows up big in this game, but after watching them last week it’s hard to have any faith. Chargers should dominate here.