First off I want to thank everyone who followed along with the Fuck BetOnline Chronicles. Although I wasn’t able to bankrupt those crooks (shocker I know), it was still a lot of fun. Now that leaves me with a conundrum. With online sportsbooks going live in Massachusetts in less than two weeks who am I going to bet with next?

Think back to where you were on July 8, 2010. LeBron James ran a 75 minute ESPN special where he announced he’d be leaving Cleveland and signing with the Miami Heat. Thirteen years later the hottest free agent in all of sports betting is looking for a new home. People have been clamoring for months to know my next move. Friends and family keep asking where I’m going to lose all my money next. Random people are stopping me on the streets to ask the same, but I just plow through them like Kenny rejecting a sober ride home from the bar. Now the time has come to make a decision, and unlike that self-centered prick Lebron I don’t need a 75 minute TV special to do it, a couple hundred words should suffice.

The Choices

That’s right we’re down to four. Barstool, Draft Kings, Bet MGM, and Caesars. I’ve been on a recruiting tour of sorts. All four of these companies have been tugging at my shirt for months. Let’s see what the did to reel me in:

Barstool

We kick it off with the presumed favorite. I like Barstool for a lot of reasons, and the specials they run are quite enticing. Plus they let me smoke ribs with Frank the Tank.

Cooked to perfection if you ask me.

Draft Kings

I did daily fantasy with Draft kings so I do feel a bit of loyalty to them. They also fixed the transfer case in my BMW.

Bet MGM

I signed up with them through a promotion when I was in Detroit so it would be convenient to roll with them. Not to mention they sent me out for a night on the town with the Berger Boys.

Caesars

Caesars will have a retail location 20 minutes from my house, and I drank out of chalices with JB Smoove on their dime.

So now that I’ve weighed all my options. Considered all of the benefits (both permissible and impermissible) that I received I think I’ve made a decision, but first this blog is brought to you by:

Alright now that we’re back, and you’re on the edge of your seat, it’s the moment that tens of thousands around the world have been waiting for…

“In this spring, this is very tough, in this spring I’m going to take my talents to HQ3 and join the Barstool Sportsbook.”

So there you have it. Barstool wins the bidding war. It wasn’t an easy one, but it’s the right decision for me and my money. The next step is picking up an overs club jacket. Thanks to those who have followed me on this journey the last couple weeks and I look forward to my next chapter with Barstool Sportsbook. While we’re at it too, one last time for the people, let me hear it…

FUCK BETONLINE.